Lesson: Trusting God's Plan

This summer, we have experienced the top of the mountains and the lowest part of the valley. It has been an emotional trip, but God has gotten us through. It is amazing how God gives us exactly what we need at exactly the right time.

Starting at the beginning, before we even got married, both Brandon and I had some concerns about infertility, each for our own reasons. We knew that we just needed to trust God on this journey.

We have been praying and praying, that God would bless us with a child in His perfect timing. My hope, my plan, was that we would conceive in June, giving me three months of maternity leave and then three months of summer to spend with our precious little one before having to figure out child care. I have heard so many mommas talk about how hard it is to go back to work. I had everything planned and I knew it would work out perfect.

God heard and answered our prayers.

1 John 5:14 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.

Just a couple of days before our two year anniversary (July 11, 2017), I took a pregnancy test. I had been tracking my temperature, and it had stayed up longer than it usually does, so I knew that pregnancy was a possibility, though I kept trying not to get my hopes up, as we had a taken multiple tests before, all negative. I woke up at 3am and had to use the bathroom, so I figured I would take the test then. I was half asleep, and tired, so I put the test on the counter, and went back to bed, waiting to look at the test together with Brandon in the morning.

That morning, Brandon woke me up around 7 or 8 and told me to go take the test. I told him it was already sitting on the counter. He being the optimistic and hopeful one, went into the bathroom to look. He returned a couple of minutes later with the biggest grin on his face. I knew that it was positive. He came and jumped on me, squealing with joy and excitement.

This was by far, one the best days of our lives. This was a mountain top day!

He was so excited a wanted to tell our parents, so we set out that day, put together little grandparent survival kits, complete with a little onsie announcing that baby would be arriving in March.

There was so much joy from everyone, but my sister’s reaction was by far the best. She has been eagerly waiting for the day that she would be an auntie!

That day, we also bought a notebook, to write notes to this precious little one. We wrote our excitement and we wrote our prayers.

I spent the next few weeks, researching the best car seats and strollers, high chairs and cribs, finding the best and most natural diapers and bottles.

I wanted to give this baby the best that we could. We would still be living off of my single teacher salary, but we would do whatever we could to make sure that this little one had a great start to life.

God gave us a blessing and we knew that God would provide.

In the midst of all of this excitement and joy that we had, I found out that the next devotional series on the app that I use each morning was on Job and Lamentations. I thought this was kind of depressing in the midst of what we were going through and I didn’t think that I would be able to get a whole lot out of it, at least not right now, not when we were on the mountaintop. But I also had the hope that it was not telling me that there would be misfortune in our future. I kept trusting that God had a plan and reason for this.

We eagerly awaited our first doctor’s appointment, where we would get to hear the heart beat, and see our little bean that was growing. August 4^th, finally came around, and we skipped to our appointment with big smiles on our faces and excitement in our hearts.

We got into the room, and answered all the routine questions. Then the midwife came in to the do the ultra-sound.

That is when we hit the low part of the valley.

The midwife was having a difficult time finding the embryo. So she sent us to the fancy ultrasound machines. They were able to see the embryo, that was two weeks smaller than it should have been, and it had no heart beat.

They didn’t confirm for us at this point that it was a miscarriage but they prepared us for that being a definite possibility.

I looked at all of my tracking, and I knew that the dates weren’t wrong. I knew that our precious little one had left us a couple of weeks ago.

That night, I wrote a note to Emmanuel. Because of my lack of morning sickness, we thought that this little one might be a boy (while obviously we will never know), so I decided to name him Emmanuel. He may not be with us any longer, but he was a reminder that God is with us.

Emmanuel reminded us that God does answer prayers. He also reminded us that God has plans so much greater than our own. Clearly, what I thought was the perfect plan, was not the perfect plan is God’s all-seeing eyes. We are fully trusting that God has something great in store for us.

So, this study on Job has been a great reminder of God’s sovereignty, and how God works for our good. It was actually crazy, because that morning of August 4^th, before we went to our appointment, the author of the devotional left a comment about how she had had an unexpected miscarriage. At the time, it was disheartening to read about, but it after we found out that we had had a miscarriage, it actually gave me hope. And, it was a loud clear message that God knows what is going on in our lives, and He has a plan and purpose for it.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

The next morning, I was scrolling through Facebook, and a friend had shared her blog post about “Trusting God When Plan A Doesn’t Happen”. She also is a planner, and she shared about how often God has changed her plans. She is currently pregnant and healthy, but she shared how she too, had a miscarriage with her first pregnancy. It has been encouraging for us to know many people who have had miscarriages, especially with first pregnancies, and to know that this is not the end of our story.  

God has used my devotionals to reach out to me and to work in my heart, as well as the songs that have come on the radio, to the pictures of encouragement that come up in our newsfeeds. Both Brandon and I have experienced God showing us loud and clear what we need to hear. It has not seized to amaze me how God gives us exactly what we need, when we need it.

Like I said, this is not the end. Before we got pregnant, we prayed that even if it was not our time to have kids yet, that God would let us know that we are able to get pregnant. God did answer this prayer. We know that this is not the end, it is only the beginning of our journey.

While we look forward to having a baby that we can snuggle, and a child that we can watch grow, that we can see their personality. While we are excited to raise a child and to show them the love of Christ, we do not want to forget to honor this life of Emmanuel’s.

A few days after we found out, I went on a road trip with my parents to see my sister for her 18^th birthday. The one thing that she really wanted to do was go to Build-A-Bear. While we were there, I made a bear and named it Emmanuel. He will always be a physical reminder of the little life that was short lived. He will always be a reminder that God is with us—that God has a plan for us.

We hope that we can use our story and our journey to show others the love of Christ. We hope that we can help others see that the sadness, anger, and pain is not the end of the road. God is still working in us. God has plans and hope for our future. God is good and He will take care of us, we just need to put our trust in Him.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

John 10:10 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Romans 5:3-5 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 23:4  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;  your rod and your staff,  they comfort me.

Psalm 55:22  Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.